Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you inspire me to be a worse person
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
