When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
