apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
