Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
