I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
