i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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