I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Randomize
