Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
third nipple confirmed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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