I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I checked into jail on foursquare
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
