They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
