3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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