Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
