Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
A bitchslap is in order.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
