he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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