Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
