and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
