dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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