yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
