Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
