I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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