I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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