help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
