ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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