mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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