Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
