I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
