Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
