If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
