I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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