Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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