I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
