Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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