I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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