I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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