i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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