he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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