Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
