the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
