We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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