he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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