when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
