I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
