So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
