I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
