nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
