Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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