Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
