I bet he comes in French.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
