I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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