oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
