i think my tv is drunk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
