he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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