Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
